I’m straying from my normal post today. On Monday, July 30th I’m celebrating my 7 year anniversary. If someone had told me years ago that I’d meet the man of my dreams, I would have laughed in their face, but I did meet him.
Let me share a bit of my story. I’m like everyone else, and have experienced the ups and downs of life and relationships.
In 1998, I took my 2 small children, loaded them in a U-haul, and made a trek with a friend, 2000 miles away from everything I’d ever known. Why? Because in 1995, I’d married a monster. He verbally, mentally and physically abused my children and myself. I wasn’t allowed to leave the house unescorted. If I had a phone call, he’d jerk the phone out of the wall. He sold my children’s toys for drug money, he couldn’t keep a job, yet this was all my fault, and I went to extremes to keep him happy.
One evening, he snapped. My son was five at the time, and when my now ex husband almost broke my son’s hand, I jumped out of my chair and yelled at him. I knew what the consequences would be. I thought. I sent my son to his bedroom, knowing he would be safe for a moment as my ex husband’s anger turned towards me. He screamed and yelled, while searching for the gun. He threatened to kill me and the kids. He promised that if I ever left, he’d hunt me down and kill us. I believed him.
That night was my breaking point. I’d lived with this for three years. Any time I question if God is real, or if he is still there, I remember his protection and moving us to safety. The entire time my ex-husband was ranting and searching for the gun, I had a quiet peace inside me. I know God was there.
My ex never found the gun, and the next morning, by a miracle, I had permission to drive myself to work, and the kids to daycare without him. It was the first time in months I left the house without him.
I didn’t go back. We ran, and hid for three years. And he did hold true to his promise, he called and tormented my friends, threatened them, and used any means to find us. He never did.
After some time, I continued to find myself in abusive relationships. They weren’t as extreme, but I continued to go through hell and drag my poor kids with me. I remember sitting on the patio, my heart-broken, and I made up my mind, at that moment, that I refused to participate in another relationship that wasn’t good for us. Period. I’d been a single mom for 8 years already, and if it meant I was a single mom the rest of my life, so be it. I decided I was finished with crap relationships.
That was the moment that my life changed. When I stopped searching for someone to save me, to make me feel better about myself, to support us, that’s when God moved.
I met my husband a few months later. The first thing I noticed about him was his inner strength, and wow did he have a story behind him. I had an immediate respect for him. As we began talking a few times a week, I shared my experience with him,and he never blinked. It didn’t matter to him. He was just glad that we were safe.
Not long after, we married, and seven years later, I’d do it all again. For the first time in our lives, my kids and I were treated well. My children had several years to experience how they should treat a woman, and be treated by a man. My husband is an honorable man. When he gives his word, he means it. He cooks, cleans, shares all the household duties with me, takes the kids where they need to go and anything else we need to get done. I have a partner. And not one time, not once in seven years, has my husband ever spoken a mean word to me, not even when we’re irritated at each other. He tells me I’m beautiful, he encourages me in everything I do, and truly loves me unconditionally. When I’d hoped for a good man in our lives, I never dreamed I’d get more than I’d asked for.
So, to my husband…I love you with all my heart. You are my rock, my safety and my strength. You have given me the best seven years of my life. Thank you for choosing me and loving me. Happy Anniversary.
Until Next Time…
You deserve your husband Jen, and your kids deserve such a father. From the perspective of a child who had a violent father let me reasure you that with the continued love of yourself and your husband your children will grow up to be great people.
Happy anniversary to you both!
Wow & wow. Two “girl makes good” stories, Jen and Azure, it’s lovely to hear of happy endings for a change. Take care both of you. Ralph
Thanks for visiting and leaving your comments Ralph. I’m going to check out your site.
You’re welcome Jen. I’ll be at the door to meet you 😉
I admire people who have the strength to break free of their abusive relationships and I am so glad you found the happiness you deserve. Happy anniversary! 🙂
Thank you! Thanks for stopping by too. Have an awesome weekend.
Jennifer Owenby https://jenowenby.wordpress.com
What a beautiful tribute to your husband Jen. He is one lucky man just as you are a lucky woman. I wish you many years of smooth sailing together.
When you said you were not afraid because you knew God was with you, I knew what you meant. One only has to experience it once to recognise that awesome power. Happy Anniversary. xx Lesley
Thanks Lesley, we had a wonderful anniversary. Thank you for sharing! I sure do like your blog!
Jen, your story is so inspiring and is such a beautiful testimony to God’s faithfulness and love. And all the other stories that have been shared here also just fill me with awe and gratitude for how we are led and protected and brought together through our God. I’m so glad you have your husband–and your faith!!!!
here here!!
I stumbled on you through Linked In. i shared your story through my public networks because God did a similar thing in my life as well. Thankfully, I had not suffered the kind of abuse you did, but merely settled for less, being with men that didn’t cherish me or truly love me. The last bad relationship I was in, I left my only daughter at the time, she was 3, for this guy. I moved 2,000 miles away to be with him. This was the first time I’d ever been out of my own state, so, this was such a risk. My plan was to get a job, get settled, and bring my daughter to be with me. I was 19.
On my way to this destination, I stopped to help a couple that was stranded. It was the week before Christmas. I had 120 dollars to my name. They needed 80 to get home in time for Christmas. I gave it to them, of course. I gave them the address where i was going so they could mail me back the money. When I got to my boyfriend and told him about it, he just laughed at me for being the most naive person on the planet. I remember defending the couple, telling him, no, they’ll send it, I’m sure, they were very grateful. So, everyday it didn’t come in the mail confirmed what a fool i was. But I told him, I’m sure they lost my address and are sorry they can’t return it. I believed that. Which made me all the more gullible of course.
I found out that this guy didn’t love me either. He began rejecting me and having little to do with me while I worked at a cleaning agency. It got so that I’d lay awake at night, praying that God would help me. Help me be strong enough to leave. Then one night, I woke up at 2 in the morning. And I wanted to leave. I got my few clothes, I got in my car and I left. Just like that. I knew it was God.
I got back home and my friend said to me, “I have this guy I’m fixing you up with.” And I was like, “please, no dates, not now.” But nagging and nagging, I went on the date. The guy was really nice. Oddly nice. Weird nice. I decided to date him again. The next time, we went alone. I watched him. There was something very strange and peculiar about him. No matter where we went, he NEVER looked at another woman. I began to find that so odd. I’d watch him. Out of the corner of my eye when I’d see a pretty girl, I’d watch him in my peripheral vision and the man NEVER strayed his eyes in the woman’s direction. I finally asked him. “Why don’t you ever look at other women?” He thought it was the oddest question. “Why would I want to look at another woman with you?” he was so sincere, like what was wrong with me to ask such a thing.
It occurred to me that I had something very special. And when he asked me to marry him, (which was not long after we dated, he had his mind made up) I remember thinking, I’m not head over hills for this guy. But I also thought that God had finally given me what I’d been desiring since I was young enough to fantasize about the kind of man I wanted to marry. But years of ill upbringing made it so that I didn’t know how to be attracted to “good” men. And so I told God, “I’ll marry this man. And you take care of that other stuff.”
We’ve been married for 22 years. I’m with my 9th child. He reminds me so much of the guy you described as your husband. The beautiful, the never saying a mean word, (not spitefully at least, he has said things that hurt but it’s never spiteful) cleaning, cooking, doing anything and everything, truly cherishing me and loving me unconditionally. Sorry so long, just wanted to share how good God is. I sometimes seriously wonder if hadn’t helped two angels “unaware” on that road as a test, and God used that as a means to bless me with my husband. Ha, either way, God is so good, there are so many more miracles along the way, but I have taken up a rude amount of space. So very nice to meet you.
Thank you for sharing. It wasn’t long! You made my day, and put a smile on my face. 22 years. AMAZING…Blessings to you and your family. And thank you for being a part of my life.
Yes, God is in the business of saving and bringing peace. I can attest to that…after leaving a verbally, mentally and emotionally marriage of 21 years. Happy Anniversary, May God bless you indeed, enlarge your territory, and be with you keeping you and your husband together forever.
Thank you, and blessings to you as well!
Thank you Jen, for the bravery it must have taken to share this. But more than that, a big congrats to you for being a strong survivor. Many will read this and many lives it might change. I admire your strength and courage and toast you right now (Yes, I have a glass of wine in the air!) and wish you the best moving forward. As you know, I’m a strong believer in karma and reincarnation. I believe that we come back countless times to learn that which we didn’t learn in previous lifetimes. I have no doubt that you will never have to travel that road again.
Thanks Pat. I also feel that I, with making a decision, broke that cycle from continuing in my life! It wasn’t easy, and the fear of being alone drove me to some poor decisions…but, I was prepared to truly appreciate my hubby. He has been a huge part in the continuation of my healing as well. Thanks for the wine 🙂 Hope you are doing well!
Happy anniversary, Jen. May God continue to bless and keep you. Happy ever after…
Jen, thank you so much for trusting your fellow bloggers and sharing your personal story with us. Heartwrenching. I am very happy for your happiness, You’ve certainly earned it. Ahead of time I wish you and the lucky and wonderful many you married a most wonderful anniversary and many more too! 🙂
Thank you Penny. We are excited, like two little kids in a candy store. Thank you for visiting again. I think if we were close to each other, we’d be friends. I love your blog, your sharing and encouragement too. 🙂
Jennifer Owenby https://jenowenby.wordpress.com
Yes I agree we would be real-time friends, as for the now of things I am very happy being one of your friends through this wonderful world of blogging that we both reside in. Thanks again for your kind comments, I love yours too – mutual society? 🙂
Jen,
Congrats on 7 years and I’m so gald you found someone.What strong faith you have, thanks for sharing your story, I’m sure it was not easy.
A beautiful truth illuminating a beautiful story, beautifully told, Jen. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks, I wanted to give people hope. I believe their are good men out there, and good women too. Thank you once again for stoppig by. Have a wonderful day!
It’s difficult to write such a personal piece as this, and I admire your strength and courage for writing it. It’s that strength and courage that has made you a survivor. Not everyone would have believed in themselves enough to escape such abuse, but you did. I admire your grit, and your ability to communicate (through writing) to a reader. You are very gifted, Jen. And the fact that you have such a wonderful and sensitive husband is a testimony also to the blessings in your life. Many happy returns for your 7th anniversary! Thank you for sharing such an important and moving piece of writing.
What makes life’s journey so remarkable is that when you least expect it, the winding roads soon turn into a straight path, of self discovery and soon happiness. I am happy for you and your husband. I mean genuinely happy for you and your happiness. As I read your story, I kept getting goose bumps. I almost burst in to tears because I felt your journey throughout your sentences. I wish you more and more happiness, more than your heart can hold.
Oh thank you! You almost made me cry. Have a wonderful day. And Kimberly, thank you for being a part of my life. I love your blog, and you are always good about stopping by and sharing. That means a lot to me.
You are so welcome!
When God joins you together, then it is going to be a union for his glory. I was not joined to someone who believed in Jesus…and that was a mistake. I got a divorce, because I had no kids and I was the type of person who would not tolerate abuse, at that point…until another relationship of course which, if not for God,, could have resulted in my death.
This may seem callous and cruel to those reading it, but I know of the power of the Lord and my relationship with Him. I worried about marrying again after my divorce. I discussed this with a pastor who told me not to get into condemnation about it and just keep on with my faith and belief in God. You see, after having been back slidden for many years (was back slidden when I married the man who didn’t believe in the Lord) I finally reaffirmed my faith in Christ and became spiritually awakened (Baptism of the Holy Spirit…serious stuff). When I discussed my divorce with the pastor I had come into a spiritual relationship with the Lord and was baptized, etc.
Well, my walk with the Lord was strong…and I continued. And make a long story short, the man I was divorced from had a heart attack and died. We were in the same school system. One day my X was there; the next he was dead. Needless to say, the pastor was right. It was a shock to me. But the Lord gave me a Bible scripture about being divorced from the law. Under Christ, you are not under the law…you are under grace. When my X died, I was free from the taint of the wrong marriage and free from the law. And he also assured me that because we were married, this man had been joined to the Lord by our union…I do think he at the last moment accepted the Lord. I hope it is so for his sake.
I had another relationship, but that too, was annulled by divine revelation and I ended it, thankfully. If I stayed in it and married him, it would have been my death. This individual went to another country and there he died.
So, I am content to at this point be where I am. I have no children and am walking by Grace and the Spirit and continuing to be led of the Lord. But Jen, your story is very heartening and encouraging and I do believe that God does have the right people for us and in his time. It is a blessing that your children have a wonderful and loving father and you have a loving husband.
God is great. Happy seven years…in Christ. Thanks for sharing.
Carole- You are amazing! Thank you for sharing. I felt the same way for a long time until someone took a few moments to explain what marriage was truly meant to be. Thank you!
Jennifer Owenby https://jenowenby.wordpress.com
Jen, what an absolutely beautiful and heart-reading story! God works in mysterious ways and sometimes we do not understand and often question why our experiences are filled with torment. But, as an old saying goes, out of the storm comes a calm and for you, at least you and your son are in a peaceful relationship.
Congratulations on your anniversary and may there be many, many more to come! My husband and I celebrated 28 years earlier this month and it was only through God’s blessing and after a really bad relationship that we were brought together.
Thank you for sharing! 28 years, I love to hear that. So encouraging and good to know marriage does work. Have a wonderful day.