This past week I visited San Antonio, Texas on business. Brett, my husband, joined me on the trip. For those of you who don’t know my history, I left my abusive ex husband in Texas sixteen years ago. I ran and hid with my two children for several years before finally shaking free of him physically, but the memories haven’t been so easy to divorce. This trip was my first back since that time.
My son, now twenty years old, and I both had bad dreams before my trip down. Those memories we thought were in the past, popped their ugly heads up. I tried to remain calm as we prepared for the trip.
Upon arriving at the San Antonio airport, I stepped out of the doors expecting the heat and humidity to knock me down, but to my surprise it ended up the coolest week they’d had in a long time. I stood next to my husband as we waited for the shuttle, as my brain adjusted that I was no longer in Portland, Oregon. The humidity tickled my skin, and I scanned the crowd taking note of cowboy hats and boots. A few hours later we had our rental car, hotel room, and had unpacked for the week ahead. I decided I needed to locate my office building and headed outside by myself. I needed a moment to unwind. The hotel doors parted and I walked across the street locating the corporate building within moments. At least my commute would be short.
As I continued walking up the sidewalk of the building, I noticed something different. I wasn’t the terrified twenty-five year old anymore. I stopped momentarily to process what I was feeling, and a smile crossed my face. I felt twenty feet tall inside. I was a woman of confidence that had successfully, with God’s help and wonderful friends, turned my life from a horror movie into a stable, wonderful life. I took a piece of myself back that very moment standing on the sidewalk in the heat and humidity of San Antonio, Texas. I saw his face in my mind, myself standing in front of him, and said, “No more.”
Although I came home much rounder from all the food that week, I came home lighter inside myself than I’ve felt in years. I knew it was time to return, and I knew something important would happen. It did. I came home inside myself.
Now for the fun part. The trip overall was fantastic. However, on Sunday, my one day to see the city, Brett opened the curtains of the window and said, “Baby, it’s pouring rain outside.” My head snapped towards him, “You’re kidding!” I ran to the window, our arms wrapping around each other as we watched the rain pour from the dark clouds. I laughed! San Antonio had been in a drought for three years!! A little rain never stopped us. We bought an umbrella and made our way to the River walk enjoying the uncrowded streets, shops and the beautiful views. We splashed through puddles, laughed when we were soaking wet, and shared kisses in the rain. I’d returned to Texas with the love of my life. What a wonderful memory to replace the broken ones.
Some day I might share more of my past, but I never want to use it as an excuse. Everyone has their something or somethings that has left them wounded. When I do share, it’s because I want to give someone hope and light inside themselves, that no matter what, things can change. In order for that to happen though, I had to take a hard look at myself and stop pointing fingers. Yes, icky things happened, and people did awful things to myself and kids, but I’m still responsible for me. I decided years ago that I was going somewhere with my life and it would change for the better.
One last thing, don’t forget to comment or email to participate in the drawing for an autographed copy of “Kiss Me Goodbye” by Harvey Burgess. I’ll accept entries until midnight tonight, Pacific time and the I’ll announce the winner this weekend.
Until Next Time…
How wonderful that the cleansing rain was able to wash away unhappy memories and replace it with more special ones to nourish your soul. 🙂
Beautifully said! Thank you
Thank you for sharing part of your life with us. I used to be on the speakers bureau for the local crisis shelter, speaking out against domestic violence. I’m glad you were able to escape your past and find healing.
I visit San Antonio about 20 years ago and have lovely memories (and photos) of the Riverwalk. 🙂
Thank you, and thank you for stopping by. All the support has meant the world to me.
Layering isn’t just for sweaters! How special to create new memories to soften the old. I hope you enjoyed some good Mexican food while you were there – that’s what I miss the most about Texas:)
I had some great Mexican food! To much in fact. lol
Thank you for stopping by and sharing.
I am convinced that there is no such thing as too much when it comes to Mexican food. Every time I go back to SA (my hometown), I eat it morning, noon, and night:)
I’m so glad you were able to put a dragon to rest, my friend. I’m so proud of you! And I agree with the others, your writing is wonderful, like a warm blanket on a cold night. Welcome home!
Jen, Thanks for sharing your history with us. When I read your post I happened to nearly feel your relief and enjoyed the trip together with you.
I’m happy for you to have met your past and made peace with what happened there. It’s good for you. Thank you for sharing.
What a wonderful, uplifting post Jen. Thank you for this and I’m so glad that particular ghost is well and truly banished. -hugs-
Thank you for sharing and stopping by.
I liked your blog though never myself having been wounded. I’ve always had my man or unconscious will to protect me though lately he intervened only at the last moment with an image in my mind and the same thought in both my and my assailant’s minds from the two very different perspectives.
Jen,
I am truly happy for your and your children. My daughter is in a relationship similar to yours in the past and I hurt for her and her children everyday. My daughter won’t take my advice and leave him and come home where she has the support to help her restart her live. What made you finally leave?
Best wishes,
Dawn Baird
Dawn- I’m sorry that it took so long to respond. I think my brain and body are still addled from the trip.
I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter! I think the last straw for me was when my ex almost broke my son’s hand. He was only 5 then. It’s one thing to mess with me, but not my babies. I shot out of my chair and yelled at him. That reprimand got me a night of terror while he took our daughter and held her in the bedroom, not allowing me to see her. He stormed around the house, looked for the gun and threatened to kill me. (He’d forgotten it was at the pawn shop) He caught me on the phone calling for help, and pulled the phone out of the wall. He knew I wouldn’t leave without both of my kids. Through all that, I just kept praying and reminded God that he parted the red sea for Moses and his people, all I was asking for was to be able to leave with my kids. He answered my prayer. My ex never allowed me to go anywhere without him, he even drove me to work, but the next morning he allowed me to take the car. We were out, and guess what? We went back. It was months before I had another chance to leave, and I was punished for leaving the first time.
I knew the abuse was wrong, but I was so down on myself and so brain washed, I didn’t believe I deserved better. I felt no man in their right mind would ever want me and the kids. It was all my fault, everything I did he twisted and manipulated to keep me there, including threats of hunting me down and killing us. He did search for three years. He did not succeed 🙂
If you have questions, or just want to talk, email me privately at jenowenby@live.com Maybe I can help? I don’t know, but if sharing my old life helps someone else… I’ll talk.
Jen
Jennifer Owenby https://jenowenby.wordpress.com
Jen,
I had no idea you had such hurt in your past, as you always seem so upbeat in your posts. I’m glad you shared this with others. I’m sure many of us have been in situations like this somewhere in our lives. Just sharing this shows you have moved on and what a good feeling that is.
I’m from TX, as you may have already guessed, I had an abusive husband as well and once we split, I didn’t see him for 30+ years. After that we did run into ech other and were able to face one another and “lay down our shields.” We are both doing ok, there is no need to ever run into each other again. The feeling now is just of “someone I used to know” and vice versa. We have both moved on in other marriages, although not all that happy ones.
However, this is probably the result of something that has to be learned in this lifetime. I can say, without a doubt, this will be the last marriage for me. There is way to much drama in my life and I think marriage should be against the law. But, it so nice to see a story like yours, so full of hope and with a happy ending. Bless you girl. I hope it never goes sour.
Sunni
Hey Sunni- I’m truly sorry that you struggled as well. The statistics are way to high for that.
I know I’ve been truly blessed having the husband I have now. It’s not drama free with kiddos, but so much better. I tend to cut the drama and people out of my life due to it slowing down progress, but sometimes it can’t be done. Family is difficult sometimes. lol
Hang in there!
Jennifer Owenby https://jenowenby.wordpress.com
My husband and I were out playing in the rain in San Antonio that same Sunday. So glad you had a good trip and that you were able to see the strong side of you that was there all along.
Oh how funny! I loved it! Thank you for sharing.
So glad this turned out to be a good trip for you. It takes strength to move on, facing the past without letting it take charge.
It was a great trip, and very healing. Thank you for sharing and stopping by.
Oh yes, please also count me in on the drawing for Harvey Burgess’ novel, “Kiss Me Goodbye.” Thanks. And what a great cause.
I will count you for the drawing, and thank you so much for your support and kind words!
Harvey is awesome!
What a strong woman you are; with faith in God, love of your family and now, more of a realization that you have always been strong. You had it in you when you left and now you have recognized and owned that strength. Your writing of feeling so much taller; that moment, is so beautiful. I have been where you have and I smiled when I read your beautiful words. God bless you, dear, and your beautiful family.
Jen, stories of personal redemption always deserve to be told. You have created a platform where some people like me get to learn of your successful turnaround. I am moved. You will know when I have recovered from my horrid divorce when I turn my picture on this site right side up!
I look forward to the time your photo is right side up, as I’m sure it’s symbolic of your own healing. It’s not easy, but connect with postivit friends. My thoughts are with you.
Jen O, I would never have guessed when I first met you what your past life had been like. Everytime I talked to you all I sensed were cheerfulness and (best way I can put it) a sunny disposition, no hint of past turmoil and definitely not an ounce of bitterness. So glad to hear your trip to San Antonio was nothing but wondeful!
I never wanted to past to show or to stop me from moving forward. I know that how I see myself is differnt than what others see. Your kind words mean a lot to me, thank you. I sure do miss you 🙂
Good girl Jen! I’m so happy for you. You inspire us all ❤
Patricia
Thanks Patricia! I have to give a lot of kudos to my husband. He has loved me through it all, supported me, allowed me to deal with things, and never left my side. I felt stronger with him there for sure.
How God works is amazing. Tweeted and promoted your post. Uplifting. 😉
As always, thank you Carole! You’re awesome.
This was wonderful, Jen. I’m so glad that you’ve come full circle with that aspect of your life. And with the love of your life by your side. Yea!
Inspiring post, Jen. In a time when so many people are looking for something or someone to blame for their troubles, it is refreshing to hear from a person who endured a lot of pain but found the courage and faith to move on. And God bless your current spouse. He sounds like a wonderful man!
He is wonderful, more than I ever could have hoped for in a husband, man, best friend. Thank you for sharing!
Love stories are so touching. Real ones just warm my heart. Very Very happy for you.
i’m grinning from ear to ear, i’m so happy for you!
Me too…lol..Thanks for sharing and visiting 🙂
xo
Beautiful post Jen. So happy for you! x
Thanks, so good to hear from you!!! Miss our email chats 🙂
I’m so proud if the person you have become, I know what it had taken for you to move on. You have always had the power to move on, you just needed to believe in yourself. I know we don’t talk very often just know how much I appreciate you as my long time friend. You are a strong, confident Christian woman. Always believe in yourself, God, your family and your friends. You can move mountains!!!
I love ya! However, you made me cry…lol. You have always been one of those special people in my life that has never given up on me, you just loved me through it all. I will always be grateful to you and you have a special place in my heart. YOU are what real friends are all about.
After a storm comes a calm. . .while storms may begin with fear, the result of the storm is change. . . looking ahead, not backwards. Glad you enjoyed your trip and the rainy day sounded heavenly!
Count me in for the drawing!
Will do! Thanks for sharing and visiting.
Thanks for sharing this heart-warming story. You are a strong woman. Celebrate.
Thank you for your kind words, and stopping by.
This is a beautiful piece of writing, Jen. Your courage is amazing, and your insight and strength really is inspiring to all of us. I am so happy for you that you had such a successful trip – not just for business, but for your own personal healing.
Me too Darlene, and thank you for being an inspiration for me to continue to grow and heal. Your book really moved me, and the timing before this trip was impeccable.
I am so glad were able to recapture “you” on your return trip to San Antonio. Sharing will happen when you are ready.
Lovely to hear your news. It’s important that while we should always remember our past, we should never let it ruin our future. Hard though it can be sometimes.
There is always an opportunity to help others through similar things, if we take a moment to step out of our pain. Thanks for visiting Stephen.