I’ll share a silly secret. I”m a wee bit superstitious. In fact, I hate the number 13. You can imagine my dread of an entire year with the number 13 in it. And, although there is nothing evil concerning the number 13 the year has brought crazy ups and downs.
I have mentioned in past posts that I was born and raised in Arkansas. Yes, I knew Bill Clinton’s mama and my brother played jazz with his brother, Roger. Small world, and I don’t know anyone from there that voted for him for president. ha! Back in the day, everyone smoked. Magazines were filled with ads with beautiful women smoking, the Marlboro Man was a hero and everyone I knew smoked or chewed. It was so second nature, it wasn’t a surprise that I also picked up the habit. Then, the years rolled by. I had tried to quit on numerous occasions only to grow claws and fangs and become a raving not nice word.
But, after moving to Oregon I learned people are anti-smoking here, and I felt embarrassed and ashamed. I couldn’t seem to quit though. I realized I was royally screwed. I was going to die smoking. Christmas day, 2012 I got a wild hair up my arse. I’d read a book that a wonderful person (thank you Tina!) shared with me “Hooked But Not Helpless”. I was bound and determined that 2013 wasn’t going to be awful. I pulled my boots up, grabbed my suspenders (not really, it was my Kate Spade bag, but for dramatic purposes work with me) and decided it was time. I wasn’t going to die smoking. And, I quit at 4:00 p.m December 25th, 2012, cold stinkin’ turkey.
Three months into that journey, still fighting the desire every day, my mother unexpectedly died. She had a massive stroke at 70. And in all the frustration, fear, grief, anger and every other emotion I could feel from quitting smoking to losing my mom I think “Son of a gun, 2013 sucks!!” I got my ass kicked. All. Over. The. Place.
I was grieving so hard for the loss of a friend (my cigarettes) and the loss of my mother that for almost two weeks straight I watched both seasons of “Revenge”. (I highly recommend, amazing plot and cliff hangers that leave your mouth open!!) It was the only time that I didn’t have a million thoughts driving through me full speed ahead. In fact, it’s almost September, and I’m just now able to share.
I managed to write a short story “Blurred Lines” during that time. I had started it while digging the trenches to hide in during nicotine withdrawal. And, I wasn’t sure if I could write without smoking. I would hit a cross roads in a story, leave the house (oh yea, the kids didn’t know!) and smoke, come back and the world was a better place. So, I wrote anyway, and I was scared. I just sent the story in for editing at Writer’s Digest, so I’m more than my usual nervous getting it back. But, if it sucks, that’s okay. I’ll try again. This time, 9 months without smoking.
As I posted in Naked In Public, my business is up and running (so if you need a resume, hop on over). People I’ve written resumes are emailing me telling me they have the job they wanted. Do you know what an amazing feeling that is? And, I get paid! Woohooo!
It’s been a long time comin’, but I feel as though I’m starting to pick myself off the ground and move forward. Thank you to every one of you for hanging in there during my short posts.
Until Next Time…